Insomnia

And out there right now, you are in your big, rich home, sleeping in your comfortable bed, knocked out, oblivious to the world. You do not know that there is a girl who is thinking about you, crying over you... all because of a promise you made but did not keep.

Please. Come back?
...because I miss you too much for me to bear.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Sorbet...?

As I looked in the mirror yesterday and saw my usual anorexic self, I realised I seriously needed to gain some weight. I looked as though my parents don't feed me enough!

Two things immediately sprang to my mind: chocolate and ice cream.

I wasn't in the mood to eat chocolate (yes, you need a mood for that), but ice cream... well, that's different. I can eat ice cream ANY TIME, even in the thirty-below-zero weather in China.

I found my mother doing the laundry and told her, "I'm gonna eat ice cream!"

She replied, "Do we have ice cream?"

Throwing open the freezer doors and reaching out to grab the carton, I showed it to my mother with a triumphant smile.

"That's sorbet!" she retorted.

I shrugged and grabbed my I'm special mug and a spoon. "Same."

As I looked closely at the carton, I realised three important words.

"99% fat free."

Seriously?! What kind of ice cream is this? How is a girl supposed to gain weight eating this?

While I was eating my ice cream, I told this little incident to Starry. She scoffed and said in a "duh, every idiot knows that" voice, "Of course. It's sorbet."

...I guess there is a difference between ice cream and sorbet after all.

And on a totally random note, boo! Meow!

Smile! :)

TCKs

As much as I enjoyed living overseas for a big portion of my life, I don't think I would ever put my children through what I had to go through as a TCK.

Today, I stumbled upon a Picnik blog post about a Singaporean girl who is currently living in China (sounds familiar?). The article called her a TCK.

I admit, this is the first time I've heard this term, though, apparently, I am one.

According to Wikipedia, a TCK, or a third culture kid, is "someone who, as a child, has spent a significant period of time in one or more culture(s) other than his or her own, thus integrating elements of those cultures and their own birth culture, into a third culture."

....oh! And look. Wikipedia even has a little section dedicated to us MKs (missionary kids). It says, "Of all TCKs, MKs generally have the most interaction with the local populace and the least interaction with people from their passport country. They are also the most likely of the TCKs to integrate themselves into the local culture."

How true! Wikipedia has never really been seen as a very trustworthy source, but I can assure you that that is the exact truth.

Here's another statistic from Wikipedia: 90% feel "out of sync" with their peers.

I can't remember how many times I've felt that way. I can't remember how often I've felt that I don't belong anywhere. I certainly am not a local Chinese, but the Singaporean part of me was fading away too. I was two different cultures mixed into one person (three, if you count the American side of me), and it was... hard.

It was hard for me to communicate with people who didn't understand what I've been through, what I've seen at such a young age. It was hard for me to fit in, to find friends with the same interests, to... belong.

Living in China for six years was an adventure for me; but the homesickness, the awkwardness, and the ugly discrimination are things I would rather not experience if given the choice.

Many TCKs take years to readjust to their passport countries. They often suffer a reverse culture shock upon their return, and are often perpetually homesick for their adopted country.

Then, suddenly, almost without notice, I was thrown back into my home country and forced into the culture that I have long since forgotten. I was expected to act like the teenagers here, expected to know as much education-wise, and expected to think the same way.

Others can have difficulty relating to them. It is hard for TCKs to present themselves as a single cultured person, which makes it hard for others who have not had similar experiences to accept them for who they are.

...I'm different. I am a third culture kid. I have mixed the Singaporean culture with the Chinese one (and a little bit of American) to create a whole new third culture. I'm not the same.

I do not hate my parents for moving us to China, nor do I ever regret any moment of my life there. It was a great time of growing and of experiencing something most Singaporeans my age wouldn't have otherwise. I loved my past six years.

All I'm saying is... I would not put my children through what I went through, because I know that the pain and the tears come together as a package with the wonderful times; and it is not something any child should ever have to go through. Yes, it hurts that bad.

Although I would probably never find a place to fit in in this life, I rejoice in the fact that I find safety and a sense of belonging in the arms of my Saviour. I am thankful that in those years of hardships and grief in China, I had Someone Who was always looking out for me and Whom I could always go to; and when I feel that no one understands, I can have confidence knowing that He does.

"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth." - Psalm 121:1-2

Smile! :)

_{I quoted a lot from Wikipedia in this post. Here's the actual article.}

First post, oh yeah.

I've had a couple of blogs over the years, but none of them ever really worked out. They either got too personal for the public to read or died out from the lack of updates.

I love writing; but because of a busy schedule and lack of inspiration (lies), my awesome skills have greatly worn out.

That's partially why I started this blog—to brush up on my writing skills but also to have a place to jot down my thoughts and the little moments of life I do not want to forget.

Most of the posts will be about me, the things that make me smile, the people who brighten my life, and the God Who is the only reason I'm here today.

So. Yay. Here's to the start of a brand new blog. Let's try to keep this one alive.

Smile! :)